This is the End,
my only friend, the End.
I'm going to take a page from Amanda's book/blog and begin with some background concerning my own experience with them that, I hope, will provide some insight (to at least me) about my own work in the 592 blog this quarter. I have always been intrigued by the concept of blogs, but have found that every time I attempt my own I fail miserably. I had the same problem with diaries and journals as a child. I do so thoroughly love freewriting though -- that to me is always a liberating experience. So I wonder, why am I okay with freewriting and not so much with blogging? I think a lot of it has to do with structure. The posts I've done this quarter have all taken me about and hour and a half to two hours to compose, and they weren't even that structured.
And yet I had incredible anxiety writing them the entire time, just as I'm having incredible anxiety writing this one. Blogs are public, too. Oh so public. Not that I'm opposed to public sharing (I have a Facebook, after all) but I guess I just get extra nervous when I know I have to write something as intelligent as the posts of my peers and that is a daunting, unpleasant task for me. Whereas freewriting is pretty private and requires no structure.
I guess I'm bringing a different perspective to the "blog as a good way to continue the discussions of class" perspective in that while yes, I do believe it functions as that for some people, I don't feel like it really functions that way for me as I would like it to. For example, I've noticed that what I like about in-class discussion is the opportunity to process out loud. I don't feel like I have to come to class with a definite, structured thing to say about the readings. Rather, I like that I can come with vague ideas, throw them out there, and get different perspectives on it. Whereas in the blogosphere, I feel like I have to be structurally and logically sound before I post anything. Does any of this make sense or is it purely idiosyncratic? Is it just that old devil resistance?
So maybe blogging is good after all, because it forces me to engage in a way I don't necessarily want to -- maybe it's good because I have to beat resistance to do it. But at the same time, I personally have felt largely disconnected when moving within the space of the blog. I guess it's a perspective thing, and I'm not quite sure how to go about changing mine to match others'. We had to blog in Victorian Lit and I felt the same way about it as I do now. I did, however, enjoy creating the wiki in that class for my final project, so I don't know what that's all about. Maybe because it was clearly rooted in my final, and therefore I felt the urgency of the situation that helped me compose. Just speculations, really.
I also want to say that even though I myself haven't had the most positive experience blogging doesn't mean I haven't thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's posts. It gives me great hope to read everything you guys write because so far I haven't seen anything unsophisticated aside from my own ruminations. My personal favorite aspect of the blog has been the ever-shifting background image, videos, memes, and picture sharing that you all have used to demonstrate your intellectual connections to pop culture and your senses of humor -- sides of you I have enjoyed creeping on.
I'll just leave this here :)
I have the exact same experience of feeling that I can throw ideas out in classroom discussion to test them, but need to have fully formed ideas before I put them here because it's not only public, but it will exist beyond the life of the class. (Eric LeMay did a final class presentation which involved showing embarrassing pictures of everyone in the class that he'd pulled from the 'net. Blog posts sometimes seem to me like those "fat with bad hair" era pictures, but that they're an unflattering remnant of my academic persona rather than an unflattering remnant of my move into middle age.) Thank you for expressing that so well.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated your post Kate. I assumed my disconnect from the blog was because I'm not part of the English department. Now I see that others feel the same way I do about posting. It's difficult for me to stop editing or trying to be "clever" and just write something. But then again, knowing that our blog has been accessed by people all over the world is a bit overwhelming too. I makes me resistant to blogging as well. Thanks for helping me see I'm not alone in my resistance.
ReplyDeleteBlogging is writing. not freewriting, as you note. There's a known audience and the unknown one out there. It lives on online.
ReplyDeleteBut just on the level of learning and engaging with readings (and others' readings of the readings), I wonder if you did not benefit from the need for structure. That uses a different part of the brain than freewriting, which is never meant to be shown to anyone and so is largely arhetorical. I have had students begin the term blogging with these nervous feelings; usually they fade as they get used to it, lose that sense of being judged and actually get support from readers. I wonder if this happened for some of you, while it is clear that it did not for some. Might be part and parcel to the genre.